Why I became a Massage Therapist.
I admit I feel a little silly writing this. We ALL have a story. And being the center of attention chokes me up. However, I feel inclined to share my wellness journey with you. Whoever comes across this I want you to feel like you can create your beginning to a new path.
“Life’s a dance, you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.”
Thank you John Michael Montgomery.
I hail from the notable 90’s era, and my soul speaks through country music lyrics.
In my eyes, my journey to the person and Therapist I am today is contributed to my confrontation with disease. In fact a lot of survivors attribute traumatic events to one of the most influential events in their lives. And they don’t mean that as a bad thing. Neither do I. As a Senior at The University of Mississippi I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Stage 2. Cancer at 21. Well this is something! However, I’m not writing to describe the details of my journey with Cancer, but I want to impart on you the feelings that brought me to today. Emotions create feelings which become the strongest encouragers of behavior. My emotions from my trauma created a drive in me to learn about the body.
Massage Therapy is All. About. Feelings.
The therapist is feeling your body (nerves in her fingers relay messages to her brain and form thoughts) and you are feeling the pressure and movements from her (your nerves receive information from the places she touches and relay back to your brain what that feels like).
John Michael Montgomery stays true here; sometimes as a Therapist we lead, and other times we follow what the body tell us. This is an example of the pull/push construct that virtually everything in our lives is centered around. Think of push as the building pressure and the pull as the opening for a pressure release (albeit brief…because the push/pull is the forever rollercoaster of life).
Push: I’m itchy. Like everywhere. And relentlessly.
Feeling: Disturbed. I can’t stand wearing clothes. Something’s up…It’s not normal for my body to feel this way.
Pull: I’ll go see a Dermatologist. Maybe they will know something.
Push: The lotions don’t help, it’s not an allergy, okay I’ve been to see you 5 times now.
Feeling: Frustration. Annoyance. In the meantime, a 3”x3” lump has sprung up on my neck.
Pull: Seek out new doctor. And another. And another.
Push: New doctor listens to my breathing, orders a chest X-ray. We can see a large mass under lungs.
Feeling: Sweaty. Shakey. Scared. Relieved to see something.
Pull: Parents are called. Biopsies are scheduled. Plans are formed.
Feelings and emotions can be satisfied with acknowledgement. That is what worked for me and that is what I continued to do throughout my journey with Cancer. My friend’s and I affectionately named my cancer “Helga” and we rolled our eyes, called her expletives, and ended up laughing our way into the stage of “moving the F on.”
My resilience stemmed from a lot of things like the way I was raised, the schools I went too, as well as watching my own mother go through Breast Cancer treatment when I was 13. I had a lot of prior experiences that helped me when it was my own time to go through something potentially life altering and physically challenging. But still, nothing compares to when you actually feel it. I felt the moment the (push) plunger went down on the needle, sending fiery red liquid through my veins, burning at every corner. And then the (pull) clear cooling feeling of the steroids sent in after, ready to try to fix every good thing in my body that the chemo tore down. An internal, all out rage of push/pull. Unnatural. Yet Chemo was the pull to my Cancer’s push. And I’ll be damned, it worked. Nine months after the diagnosis, I was considered in “Remission” and have remained that way since.
A big feeling for me during treatment was trying to stay a “normal” 21 year old college student. Nowadays I attempt to steer clear of the word “normal” but of course, it takes work. I wanted to study and play like I had previously been doing. In an attempt to keep doing the same things and have a routine, a friend brought me to a Yoga class. Quite simply, it changed my life. For many reasons: the peaceful atmosphere, the low lights, the good vibrations of music (Jeff played a lot of Chili Peppers, Thanks Jeff), the smiles of everyone greeting each other; and the process of everyone settling on the floor, clearing the space in their minds and saying hello to the now….to do the work. [Research finds time and time again that routines and doing work aids in healing from trauma.] None of that even described what I was feeling in my body. I was feeling everything. For the first time in months I was feeling the release to the pressures and tensions I had been building up through mental anxieties, and physically being drained and tormented with drugs. Sitting cross legged opened my hips, doing cat/cow made my spine flow, twisting, bending, raising, holding, breathing. The tight spots in my system were massaged out by my own joints and muscles moving atop each other. The ground met me as I rocked back and forth until the soreness in my glutes melted away. The feeling of relief after that hour was transformative. That rhythmic freedom of listening to my body liberated me in ways that changed how I now live every day of my life. I felt fucking strong and in control of my body for the first time. I wasn’t on anyone else’s plan or schedule, I was doing me, for me.
That was the event where I truly realized that I am in control of my own body and my body is what lets me do the things I want. In the wake of that inspiration, it still took time to set in. More things happened with my treatments, and I studied the medical community from a patient’s perspective. A lot of rushing around, big words, no one really explaining what these things will mean for me, and I noticed how little I was touched. Being touched, I had already established (thanks to *the ground*) made my body feel good, yet this was not part of my treatment or experience in the hospitals. I don’t know their protocols or what their limits are so I won’t interject more about that, but it alarmed me to the fact that this was what I craved. When all was said and done with treatment and I was given a clean bill of health, I drove to Taylor, Texas, with my Dad waving from the U-Haul behind me. I was moving in with my grandfather “Paw Paw” until I figured out what I was going to do next. After a few jobs doing what my degree was for in Marketing and Journalism, I discovered that sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day was the furthest thing I could be doing to get myself healthy. Year one after treatment is one of the most challenging times for a survivor of any kind because you return to “normal” only to know that you are not “normal”. Even you normies ain’t normal! Like I said in the beginning, everyone has a story. Also, we learn as we go 😉 [I’ll never get rid of my one-liners just so y’all know]
I started researching Massage School as I was on my way out from a rejected career path in Newspaper design. My cousin who lives in Austin hooked me up with a job as a waitress at an amazing Butcher Shop & Restaurant (Farm to Table) called Salt & Time. I had my next steps in place. I would go to school four days a week in addition to serving for three days, and generally spending my time moving, thinking, and growing in new ways. And since that time, I became who I am today. Massage School was everything I had hoped it would be and could be. I learned that there is a place for and lots of desire for, the healing of touch; not only in Austin, but all over the world. I was introduced to CAM (Complementary Alternative Medicine) which Massage is under this umbrella. CAM encompasses everything outside traditional Medicine, that for the most part is still proven and backed through research. And in CAM and country music, my heart lies happy.
These days I work diligently to serve people in offices, homes, festivals, parks, second homes, hospitals, and anywhere else I get the chance, to give a caring and compassionate touch. With each new person I get to listen to them and their story. Not just listening to what their mouths say, but also watching for what their bodies say when they enter the room. No matter how many times I work with someone, each session, each experience is unique and special. Through this blog, I will write about topics of interest for myself (and potentially others!). Mostly this will be about health, science, tips for wellness, massage information, food, and we will see what else. By no means am I a know-it-all and I invite you to do your own research about anything I share, and let’s discuss! Each of us is a unique distribution of cells and chemicals and something that works for one won’t necessarily work for another.
This is who I am today. A woman who has been through trauma opened her eyes to the possibilities life offers, and wanting to serve others in their own journey of life. Since we must deal with the push/pull in equal balance, I will embrace it. I concur that “massage is a tool in your life belt”. Massage is my specialty, but my hope is to share the power of creating your unique toolbelt, lessening pain and suffering.
With health and happiness we go,
Kaitlin of Bodinuity